week 20

Meet the Little! 20 weeks

It's crazy to think that we're at our halfway point. It seems like yesterday that I snuck to the grocery store and sheepishly bought my first ever pregnancy test. HOLY FREAKIN' COW I HAVE A HUMAN IN MAH BELLY!!!
Ahem...excuse the random outburst.

My days are filled with forgetfulness, procrastination, attempts at planning that lead to couch potatoing, and an overwhelming sense that I lack too much knowledge. All this should lead a girl to wonder if she knows what she's doing...but I don't worry. I trust in my instincts and the awesome circle of friends that preceded me in motherhood. Never before have I had a second thought about the baby crying two aisles from me in the grocery store...in fact, I'm certain I'd never even paid attention to baby noises period! (Well, except those of my nieces and nephew and of my good friends' kiddos.)

While we decided to double our stresses by tackling house hunting at the same time as planning for our first (of hopefully 2 or 3), I am  excited about what is to come. I'm not worried about how to provide as I trust myself to give the physical needs (Bobby's too ;) ) and I trust God to provide financially where things are needed...and not wanted. I'm excited to see where God moves us and what He plans to teach us. I'm excited to rely on Him fully and trust that what happens, happens because He's got a plan. I love being a part of His plan! And I love that I'm bringing a bundle of joy into this world that is also a part of His plan!

What a Blessed duck I am!!!

Now, for the usual quips and quirks....

- I joyfully notice our wee Little bumping and nudging multiple times a day. I only wish Bobby could experience this with me...I tell him though and reassure him that someday soon, he'll feel my belly and be able to share in the joy as well!

- I received an email the other day from 'Biggest Loser' telling me how to lose 2 dress sizes in 30 days...right after I received a reminder from Babycenter.com reminding me that I'm at 20 weeks. Sorry but the dress sizes will gladly have to wait!

- Midwife informed us that our Little is at the 40th percentile which is ''right on for both of us" (pointing to Bobby and I). Of course I didn't hesitate to point out that our MW just called us short. It was all in good nature though, we know we're slightly vertically challenged!


I'm in love with this. I have always romanticized pregnancy (but that was also in the days of overalls...wish they were still in style!) and lugging around a basketball of a belly. I know about 10 weeks from now I won't really feel the same as I'll probably want that darned Little out but for now, I'm basking in the joy and beaming with the knowledge that I get to love the very thing I am creating!

The name is Little

One week away from the half-way mark and I feel I need to blog what my Little has done with me so far...along with some other random thoughts.

In October, Little ran a marathon. The Portland Marathon. Now, Little was little and no one knew Little was there (well, God did I suppose!). But I'm happy to say we did the longest, hardest thing I've ever done, together. We sat on the couch for what seemed like days on end. We turned 30...well, I turned 30 but whatever. We got flipped off together because mommy drives too fast and aggressively but she'll tell you that what she did does not deserve the bird! Little does Zumba 2-3 times a week and it's not yet known if Little appreciates it or not. And just yesterday Little went snowshoeing with Ali and Jen for a glorious and peaceful hour and a half. I am pleased and excited for all the other adventures we'll manage while Little is carted around like the cute little freeloader Little is.

Next on the list is beginning a vigorous training regimen for Bloomsday. Sarcasm. Did you hear it? Sarcasm because my vigorous training will consist of WALKING. Little's first Bloomsday will be May 2012 and I have every ambitious intention of finishing while wearing an obnoxious belly outfit and spandex.

Random thoughts:
Because I don't like to get ahead of myself in reading about what to expect when I'm expecting, I'll find oddities and curiosities that send me reeling towards the What to Expect book. Like the other day, I had myself convinced that I must have forgotten...many, many times...to wash my armpits because they have turned a strange darkish color. Gross, right? Well, apparently normal. But now I'm afraid to let anyone see the darned things!

I am convinced that if I dance and sing, Little will have hopefully some sense of rhythm and singing abilities...I have not read this anywhere but I don't care...I will sing and I will dance and dang-it that Little better come out already knowing how to play guitar!

Confession:
I ran into a friend today who has a 3 month old and, since the topic of my maternity leave is fresh on my brain, I paid attention to how little and sweet her bundle was. My confession is, I'm a little bummed that I have to return to work so soon after. Not that I don't like to work, I just don't want to work so much. I'm afraid of missing out on things. I'm afraid of being that parent that's never there...and it's hard for me to not be sad about it. But we have a small business that pays pennies yet brings Bobby so much joy. And I am the breadwinner so therefore I must go to work. My heart aches and secretly wishes for another way.


Sigh.

Week 17

 Week 16...I finally decided that my belly wasn't entirely my belly. I'll finally admit it's a little bit of baby!


Today marks the officially unofficial start of week 17. I haven't really posted much about this amazing thing growing in my belly for mostly two reasons...
First, nobody knew until about week 10... that's a pretty long time to go without 'venting' into a blog...but then, my real journal saw just about the same action: zero! When I'm overwhelmed it's hard for me to relax and put my words to paper (or computer). Second, I'm in what they call the 'honeymoon' stage which means I feel absolutely amazingly normal except ill-fitting clothing. Which means I don't feel like much is happening...which makes it hard to post whats happening!

So here's a few more fun thoughts and realizations!
Last week I discovered what is called 'linea negro'...the line that runs from bellybutton to pelvis and even up towards your chest. Not everyone has this though as I have learned from discussions and the comical quick check of Nikki's belly in the middle of an antique store! Mine runs the whole span and I wonder if it will get darker? And why does it happen at all?

Today I tried 'sucking in my gut' to find my ab muscles to be sore as though I had just finished at the gym...a coworker quickly reminded me of muscles being stretched and what-not. Also, last night I rolled over on my belly to feel for the first time as though I was laying on something hard in my belly area. Strange, but neat for sure!

I'm still doing zumba three times a week and trying to figure one or two nights a week to dedicate to what my doctor calls a brisk walk, or slow jog...because I have been cleared for Bloomsday in May as long as my heart rate does not go over 140bpm. STOKED! Excited to show folks that being pregnant does not mean I'm disabled. Sometimes, some comments make me wonder if I should be subjected to a wheelchair and a crash helmet for the remainder of this adventure.

Bobby and I have started the house hunt! This helps me start to visualize the reality of a baby room thus directly causing a few purchases as well. Yay!

5 thoughts before 9am

1.) Zumba just might be the closest I'll ever get to being a professional backup dancer.

2.) I own clothes that fit perfect while standing straight...but not bending over or sitting.

3.) Can sneezing too many times in a row (5+) cause you to faint, have a heart attack, or die?

4.) I wear my big, chunky hoop earrings because they make me feel more hip than I think I really am.

5.) driving in my car without a song to belt out to bums me out.

small quip

Last year I had a sort of epiphany: I had no goals. Actually, I do believe I'm always subconsciously working towards something but I had nothing I could pinpoint. So I made a goal...to run a marathon. I never ran a marathon before, or even a half marathon...but I was determined (somehow). And I did it (somehow).

The above quote is exactly how I felt about my lack of goals...so I will continue my goal setting. And this excites me.

First thing on my list? Bloomsday 2012. Why is this a significant goal? Because I will be 7 months prego and a goal like this would keep me moving! Now to purchase new running shoes...

pulling the plug and plugging in!

It's 7:30 am on New Years Eve...a Saturday...and I am embarrassed to say that I sit here, surrounded by technology. I'm on the middle cushion of my couch and I have a laptop sitting on, well, my lap, an IPOD and IPAD to my right, my cell phone to my left and a flat screen directly in front of me. You see, 5 years ago this would be far from the truth as I had no IPOD, no computer (all computer use was done at work), and no TV...I basically had a radio and I was darned proud of this seemingly defiant way of living.

So over the last few months, I've been realizing my life revolves too much around this technology. I have been bugging Bobby for a few weeks now that I need a good radio and the reason for this is to blast the music that inspires me so much to do things other than sit and stare at pieces of techno-world. Now I know my first line of defense would have been to not marry an Asian...but I couldn't help it!

So here I am, battling.

I made the decision today to break myself from Facebook (gasp) for an undisclosed amount of time...maybe forever? That's a stretch I know, but I can dream, right? I found myself too involved in what people said or posted or did not say or post...which is silly to me. To find your worth in another person's activity on a social website is absolutely absurd!!! So instead of being a big girl and deciding not to care, I pulled the plug.

The benefits to this are numerous. I feel I will be free both at home and at work to be more productive. I have always loved to be crafty but now-a-days I find myself staring at the TV or the computer, numbing my mind instead of putting my mind to work in creative ways. I will be forced to converse with those around me about what is new in their lives instead of finding out on Facebook. Secretly, I hope this happens to me, too, that folks would check in with me a little more often instead of letting social networking do all the work. There is a basic need for relationship and I may be going out on a limb here, but I believe we are destroying this one basic need through our desire for technology and social networking.

So I bet you're wondering then, why I'm still blogging? Well blogging, to me, is like a journal. Of course I save the crazy rants for my actual journal...but it gives me an outlet without overwhelming my mind with the craziness of networking and also allows people like my mother (who lives way too far away) to see pictures and what-not of our family. Which reminds me, I have to download pictures!

I do have to give props where they are due, however. God has really gotten a hold of my heart and opened my eyes to many things. I hope I can use this here blog to document those but for the most part, I am being challenged to quit all that is consuming my mind, talent, energy and emotions and to focus on the One that really matters. He's been so good to me and I have taken much for granted...this new idea is not necessarily a New Year's resolution type thing but a thought that has been nagging me for months that needs attention...now. I miss my God and the closeness that we used to have. So I have taken some time over the past few weeks during the holidays to remember what life used to be like...what I used to do and where I used to go to be/feel/live closer to God. This is one thing I remember learning way back when I first met Christ...I was told that when you feel far away from Him, remember the days when you were close, remember the time you first felt Him and try to go back there...either physically or in your mind. Remember...and go back. Back to before life got hectic and priorities changed. And then make the necessary changes.

My first changes? Dedicate time for God...schedule things AROUND this time...and listen to His word. For me, this means music and worship and secluded PB&J time. I hear and feel most when I am surrounded by the beauty of music specifically about God and in a place where I am not distracted by folks I know. I'm going back...and I'm really excited!!!!

Who'd A Thought?

It's the day after Christmas and I've finally found a wee bit of time after the hustle and bustle of the season to express what I've been thinking and feeling for the last two and a half months!

Thanksgiving Day was the day we let the world know that we are expecting...but Bobby and I have known since about a week before Halloween! The thing I wish I had done in those early weeks was document the oddities, excitedness and super-human bodily functions. The changes, the feelings, the nerves and maybe just the thought of it all were so beautiful and sometimes humerous...but because it was not shared, I fear it has been lost...well, some things will stick with me as I am still in shock that these 'oddities' can happen. So here I am, taking a moment to get this documentation rolling...with the title of "Who'd a thought?"

WHO'D A THOUGHT?
- That instincts would tell me what I know before a tiny prego test will?
- That I ran a marathon with a baby in my belly?
- That bloating could get that bad?
- That, even in the 14th week, it still feels unreal?
- That I would have some crazy* Korean traditions thrown at me this soon?
- That there are actually people out there that will not be happy for you?
- That there are people that would be genuinely upset that I'm not finding out the sex?
- That unwanted advice is ever-present and found in abundance?
- That I would be a 'lucky one' and feel very little to zero morning sickness?
- That I actually dislike it when others play the prego card for me ("oh be careful, you're pregnant!", "make sure you don't do that, you're prego!" etc etc.) hint: let me decide!
- That it would be so fun figuring out things like disposable or cloth diapers?
- That my first baby purchase would be old-fashioned wood alphabet blocks?
- That coffee isn't something I seek out any more?
- That I would be chomping at the bit to exercise and run like I used to?
- That I would be gassier than a Chevron tanker truck?
- That Bobby would laugh at said gassy-ness?
- That I now dream of family trips and outings and all the things we could do together?
- That Bobby and I discuss dreams and values for our family?
- That at this time next year we will have a 6 month old for Christmas?


*crazy, meaning nothing I'd ever heard of in my upbringing as a typical white girl.

So those are some of the thoughts swirling...trust me, there's many more!